Few thoughts for today

A lot of people do not believe in prayer, or the power involved in it.

I, on the other hand, whole-heartedly believe in it. I especially believe in it when a person is so down, so grief-stricken, that they are at a point physically, emotionally and spiritually where they are incapable of praying for themselves.

Thats where I am at right now.

These past few days, in preparing for my first prenatal appointment tomorrow, I have been literally unable to make my mind go there. Unable to sit and simply think about the fact that I will be getting (or attempting to get) an exam. In fact, simply typing that makes me physically sick and near tears.

Today I've been dealing with my heart racing to unreal speeds and sweaty hands and bouts of near blackouts. We are talking MAJOR anxiety attacks.

Today and tomorrow are those times that I talked about where I'm literally unable to cry out to God myself, and need you, my dear friends to call his precious name for me. I can't even begin to pray, because that means I have to be thinking about what tomorrow holds. I can't do it.

There are going to be some really neat things happening tomorrow-Liv will finally know shes going to be a big sister, and the three of us will finally see this sweet little being growing inside me-but all of those things are COMPLETELY overshadowed in my mind by the fact that I will be up on the exam table attempting to do what I dread most in the entire world.

Please keep me in mind today and tomorrow. I know God loves me. I know I am his precious daughter and as my mom says that 'he adores this little baby inside me'. I know that he will be with me holding my hand on the exam table tomorrow. But my mind and body believe such totally different things. My mind and body make this fear so real.

I'll get you all updated after our appointment tomorrow, and if you are lucky, I may even show you a picture of this little peanut growing inside me!