The heavens parted....momentarily....

I KNOW you all have been sitting at your computers night and day eagerly awaiting my next post about how the Saturday Garage Sale went. Because you all are SERIOUSLY that interested in my life, right? RIGHT?! ok good.

Well, Saturday, though it only lasted a short time, was much more productive than Friday.

Had the weather not been about 500 degrees Fahrenheit, I imagine there would have been a ton more garage salers out and about. It was just too darn hot. Way to go on picking the HOTTEST day of the year, Abbie, way to go.

Mommy dearest joined me this time and I'm pleased to report that though the day was slower than we had hoped, it wasn't a total loss.

Look, I didn't even get a bloody nose like I warned in my last post from the bored nose-picking. Although, I may need to talk to someone about what to do about those nose hairs....

I'm selling my soul if things don't pick up...

In order to be sure baby Samantha didn't have to take up permanent residence in the hallway closet when she makes her arrival in September, we came up with the idea of having a garage sale this weekend to free up a little space.

Oh, and WHO is the genius that came up with the idea that starting the garage sale today, which is Friday, would be a good idea??

Oh yeah, that was me.

stupid stupid stupid. (Don't tell Liv I said that word. Three times. She would most definitely have a few choice words for me.)

Not gonna lie. Garage sales are not the most hoppin' place on a Friday. Saturdays are where it's at people. They are THE place to be, trust me.

But Fridays?? Well, let me prove my point by sharing a few pictures of our exciting morning thus far:

This is how my sister and Liv and I throw a party. Rock on my friends, rock on...


This is the view from where I have planted my caboose for the day. You may be led to believe that those cars in the background are people who have parked there to spend hundreds of dollars at our garage sale. You would be mistaken. Those are ours.


This is what boredom does to me. Things had better pick up, or I may end up with a bloody nose.
I have an idea. Why don't you all fly from timbucktoo or wherever you all live and bring your piggy banks and contribute to my 'no bloody nose' fund. Oh yes, that would be fun. I may even share a glass of water with you. Ice would be extra....

Super Duper

Most of you may remember that Liv turned 3 a few weeks ago.

As you may also recall, 3 years comes along and this momma is DONE with diapers. DONE.
So, John and I took her on her birthday to the mall and let her pick out a few packages of 'big girl underwear'.

Let it be known I told her she could pick out ANY underwear that her little butt desires.
Oh the choices! Just to name a few: Dora, Princess, pretty pink, flowers, zoe and elmo were some she had the option of taking home to place on her little tooshy.

Out of all the cutesy, pretty big girl undies to choose from, without hesitation she chose these:


Hey, whatever gets the job done, right??

Thats my girl...

Note: After insisting these were the underpants she needed, Daddy managed to convince her that maybe Dora and the Princesses would enjoy taking up residence on her behind as well. So, though we came home with three packages of perfectly functional underwear, these are definitely the most 'super' in her book. :)

a note regarding the last post....

My mom was a little bent outta shape at the fact that I referred to the casino folk as 'Indians' as opposed to 'Native Americans'. Since WHEN have I EVER been politically correct, mother dearest. C'mon, you know me better than that.

So, to please my lovely, but oh so sensitive mother, I retract the word 'Indians' and replace it with 'American Natives'. In no way did I mean to offend anyone, especially you my dear mother. Although, it IS fun to get your panties in a wad once in a while.

There. Now get off my back! *grin*

P.s. I still hold true to the idea that they could stand a few new ideas regarding their carpeting choices, but whatever....

And I ain't bluffin'!

Last week that handsome guy who pays the rent and I were invited to attend a retirement party on Saturday night at a Casino a short drive away.

All I heard was Casino and I was in.

I realized I only had 2 days to get my slot machine lever pulling arm in shape. Oh, I kid. Everyone knows you don't pull those things anymore it's all button pushing now. So I practiced finger exercises instead.

I was so caught up in mentally preparing for delight that is penny slots, that I forgot that we would have to sit through a retirement party for a good couple hours before even stepping foot on that hideous casino carpet. I'm afraid the Indians could use a few interior decorating skills when it comes to flooring options. Maybe they were more concerned with making sure they'd placed enough 'jackpot party' penny slots around the floor for us to choose from. Ah, bless their hearts. At least they had their priorities right.

After a DELISH dinner and even more fabulous I'm-going-to-hell-for-eating-this pie, John felt he had finally squelched my anticipatory squeals long enough and unchained me from the table in our meeting room where I was then allowed to roam free amongst the pushy chain-smoking elderlys who seem to think it's ok to take up the machine they are sitting in front of AND the machine next to them. I so wanted to tattle on them.

Johnny and I each pushed $5 into our machines and giggled with delight as we pushed buttons and watched the slots roll. Oh wait, maybe it was just me giggling. He was the one shaking his head and laughing. Yes, I'm THAT lame.

3 1/2 hours later, we managed to play on that same $5! Oh yes my friends, we know how to roll.
In fact, I'm pretty sure we walked away $1 and some change up from what we started with.

I know, high rollers.

Between the 89,000 Diet Pepsi's I sucked down (evidently the Indians aren't too keen on the whole Diet Coke idea...) but between my liquid diet and the hazy smoke-filled casino floor, I'm pretty sure this child #2 of ours is going to come out slightly retarded.

It's ok, she'll fit right in with the rest of us. :)

It happened.

In all my naivety, I honest to goodness, really thought it would never happen.

I giggled at all of you mothers that experienced the horridness of it with your children.

After-all, it would NEVER happen to me. Not MY child. She just knows. Knows it's not something you should do. EVER.

I was sadly mistaken, my dear friends. I take back any chuckles I directed at you and your misfortune.

I now realize I'm not exempt from the you-have-a-normal-child-that-makes-stupid-decisions club. I'm one of you now.

Yes, it's true. It happened. My daughter cut her hair. With scissors. Real scissors.

I realized something was up after her running to the potty, exclaiming at the top of her lungs that she went pee pee in the potty!!, and then silence. Pure silence.

Thank GOODNESS that it wasn't chunks, but mere smaller, thin pieces. So, I do realize I still haven't had it as bad as some. I caught that little turd before she decided a pixie-type cut would suit her just fine.

I like, and Livie likes to have her privacy while on the potty, which is my reason for not RUSHING in there the instant I recognized the horrifying silence.

Me: 'Liv, what are you doing?'

Livie: Nothing.

Me: 'WHAT are you doing in there?

Livie: Nothing!

Me: Tell me RIGHT now what you are doing in there!!

Livie: Cutting my hair.

SHOOT ME NOW.

Must be somethin' in the water....

So there is this guy that I have this SERIOUS thing for. Like I've got it in the worst kind of way.

And no, I'm not talking about him, or him.

This man has given me a little somethin' to smile about since the very first time I saw him in 7th grade-not enough of a smile that I would actually make eye contact while holding his hand, or that I would let him closed-mouth kiss me on the lips without thinking it was gross-but he definitely made me giddy none the less.


This guy is also seriously the hottest dude on the planet. It makes me smile when his sisters friends are all ga-ga over him having, according to them 'Brad Pitt looks'. Not a day goes by without me glancing at him and wondering how the crap I got so lucky to land a babe like him. Seriously, the kid is hot people. HOT.


This guy proved time and time again early on in our relationship that no matter how hard of a time his friends would give him for being so 'whipped', he would never stop showering me with mushy gushy words and kisses and hugs. I've come to the conclusion that maybe they were just jealous and wanted a little John-lovin' of their own. I've always been very good at sharing (as long as it's not my diet coke), so all they had to do was ask, if they were wanting a little cuddle time with him, I would have gladly shared.


This guy also proved that being married to him would be awesome. No joke, I LOVE being married to this man. He is so much fun, and I love that I can be the biggest idiot and he still is wild about me. I also couldn't get this man to really fight with me if I paid him to. Ugh. I mean really, a girl just wants a little drama from time to time, is that so much to ask?! DISAGREE with me for heavens sakes!! PUSH MY BUTTONS, dangit!!


In the last three years this handsome fella has also shown me how incredibly indescribable his parenting skills are. He has been more of an unbelievably beautiful father to our child than I could have ever dreamed a man could be. Miss Olivia is absolutely CRAZY about her dad. Her day is complete when he walks in the door at the end of the day, and nothing excites her more than surprising him with a picture she drew for him that day or a rock she found while taking a walk outside, or calling him at work to scream into the phone 'I WENT PEEPEE IN THE POTTY!!'. To think that this is the man she will forever compare future boyfriends to just rocks my world, because there is no one better. :)


Babe, I love you more than I could ever possibly begin to describe. You are the father and then some that I always dreamed my children would have.
We are so lucky to have an awesome man like you to hold down the fort and sacrifice daily to provide the best for your family who loves you more than words could say.

I love you, Liv loves you, and don't worry, I'm pretty sure Samantha will love you too, no matter how much she curses you someday for setting an unreasonable curfew with the total dog that she decides to date. ;)

Happy Fathers Day my love. Thanks for being you.

Take a deep breath child!!

Self control is evidently not a word we use often in our house.

I mean, we impress it upon the important things, sure, like cocaine, alcohol, and yelling. With these, moderation is obviously key around here. But evidently we neglected to engrave in Olivia's little 3 year old mind that moderation is also key with something like, say, a GIANT ice cream sundae. Time and care should be spent consuming such a delicacy, making sure you enjoy every single chocolate and caramel covered creamy bite.

We were surprised after Livie's birthday lunch to see that the restaraunt we went to would acknowledge her special day, by bringing her one of these delicious bowls of heaven, free of charge.

Notice I did NOT say 'dish'. It was a bowl. A massive bowl. For a three year old.

Luckily our sweet waitress must have noticed I was a little round in the midsection, and realizing I would probably have wreaked havoc upon the restaurant had she not brought ME a spoon too, she brought us each one. Bless her food serving heart.


Miss Olivia was in a prime mood this day. She had us ROLLING, she was SO funny. I'm amazed at how such a little being can already have such an amazing sense of humor. She really does enjoy getting a good chuckle out of her mom and dad.

Now let me explain something-we have noticed a definite girly-girl side coming out especially lately. Getting dirty-NOT on the agenda for her. If she sees a package of wipes, she is ALL over them, using them to clean any and everything in her sight-from the tv to her shoes, to Daddy's stinky feet. She's a giver, thats for sure.

Well, as soon as that Sundae was placed on our table, her eyes gave off a little mischievous glint and she threw caution into the wind. Case in point:


She SHOWED that sundae what was up. And made her sundae-lovin' mama super proud in the mean time. Thats my girl.

A 'beary' fun day!

Ok, that was cheesy, I know. Geez, I'm lame....*sigh*

Even though we celebrated with a party on Sunday, Liv's actual day of birth was Monday.

I was literally sick all morning because I was SO excited to surprise Livie with her big birthday present.

This comes as no shock whatsoever to my lovely mother who had to suffer through these weird episodes of mine growing up, but to the rest of you who wonder if I'm off my rocker, let me explain:

Yes, I am off my rocker. Ok, I kid....Kinda.

You see, I can vividly remember getting all packed up and ready for a week of fun summer camp as a kid only to be nearly bed ridden the day before leaving because I got so excited to go that I made myself physically sick. Same goes for the first day of school. And for trying to decide whether to buy the green shirt or the red shirt. And if my socks didn't feel right on my legs.

Yes, I am off my rocker.

Thankfully I can now put on a pair of socks without a second thought of whether or not they 'feel right', but gearing up to do something really fun, well, gets me all pukey. *sigh*

So, back to Monday.

After 'sleeping in' a bit, which really means, laying in bed staring at the ceiling because what mom is able to sleep through her daughter screeching at the top of her lungs that 'IT'S MY BIRTHDAY...DADDY, AM I REALLY THREE TODAY?!....YAYYYY HANDY MANNY'S ON!!....DADDY, I GOT THE FEELING THAT I GOTTA GO PEEPEE....CAN WE GO SEE MY SURPRISE NOW?!....IS THIS CEREAL MY SURPRISE?!...IS MOMMY COMING DOWNSTAIRS NOW, OR IS SHE JUST GOING POTTY??...' I got up and showered, put on my face and we made our way to the big surprise!

We did mention that her birthday surprise was at the mall and once we got there I made her close her eyes until we got to the destination store.

Once she opened her eyes and saw that we were at the *GASP* Build-a-Bear store, this is what her face looked like:
I guess you could say she was a *LITTLE* excited.

John and I had just come to the conclusion that our daughter probably inherited her mothers anxiety-ridden decision making skills, so we were prepared to be there for a few days while she picked which animal she just couldn't live without. Looks like I'm the only crazy one in the family. We sadly underestimated her, because she immediately screamed 'OOH! I WANNA MAKE A KITTY! *gigglegiggle*' and in a matter of seconds chose this one:
Crap. Pink? Really?! I should have known...*grin*

Here she is getting ready to stuff the kitty with 'fluffy', then she gave her a bath, then she chose a name and filled out a birth certificate:


Shoot, they should REALLY re-think this whole pregnancy/childbirth thing and just create a store. Something along the lines of 'Build-a-Baby'. Yes, I think it's a brilliant idea....

Introducing the newest member of our family-Pickles the cat:

Welcome, Pickles. I'm sure you will feel right at home here surrounded by all the pink/princess/mermaid/girly paraphernalia that has taken over every nook and cranny in our house. Yes, indeed, we welcome you.

Party on, Liv!

I was so exhausted after a long 2 day birthday celebration that by the time the end came around last night, I was nearly on my way to the loony bin.

So, please excuse the fact that I didn't post a heart-felt, truly meaningful happy birthday post to my darling daughter ON her actual day of birth, but I'm afraid it would have looked something like this:

'sl;eigusUGHSMigunsi! SIigmwignc,s apOS, CBISIE WOIEsicmb!'
Love, Mom

Yeah, it was probably a good idea that I waited until today to express my love and pride for my one and only.

Sunday was a fun day, as we had family over for a birthday party for our big 3 year old, where there was good food, fun presents and an all around good time spent together. Oh, and get this: for the last, oh, YEAR or so it has been raining NONSTOP here, but praise the lord, Sunday morning came around and the skies parted and out came the sun!! WAHOO! Blue skies and not a cloud in sight. Thats what I call a major kiss from God! :)

Last year for birthday #2, Livie had a disney princess party. Birthday #3 came around and what kind of party did Miss Olivia want this year? You guessed it. A Disney Princess party. Again.
I swear, it looks like a princess crapped pink everywhere around here. I have never seen more pink in my life. Or princess. Yikes. Maybe next year she'll make up for it and want a transformers party. One could only hope....







I know you all will question whether or not this photo was doctored in anyway, but from my lips to your ears, I swear, it really is me in the kitchen preparing some sort of food. I know, weird, right? It's ok, take a minute a catch your breath. I know this is a lot to take in....



As I said before, the sun decided to make an appearance for the day, so we all got to enjoy some time playing in the back yard!



The next day was Livie's actual birthday. It was a pretty fun day with just her, mom and dad. I'll share more on that later....

Until then....Party On dudes! ;)

The gloves are coming off....

We have been working semi-diligently to potty-train Liv the last few weeks.

We've kept her in pull-ups during this time, but regularly have been suggesting to her that 'let's go try and go potty' before she lays down for a nap, after she gets up from her nap, before tubby time, before bed time, when we wake up in the morning.
Often times she produces one or two little drops and I mean DROPS, not full streams, of pee in the potty, but there are other times where she just simply sits and says 'eh, I don't need to go'. and she produces nothing. Nada. No pee.

*sigh*

Well, this next Monday Liv turns the big Three years old, and momma is getting serious.

Diapers will be gone.

No more diapers.

We are breaking out the big girl underpants.

Potty breaks will be regular and MUCH more frequent in order to prevent gag inducing accident clean-ups. In case you haven't noticed, this whole potty training thing just really isn't my cup of tea.

I would pay you in hugs, any of you, if you would just come and do it for me.

Maybe I'll start a campaign. Something like 'Save the Whales' but it'll be more like 'Save the potty-training mother from certain insanity'. Are you with me? Will you support my cause?

Please make checks payable to: Pee/poo clean-up fund or maybe it would just be easier to make your checks out to the local insane asylum, because I'm certain thats where I'll be in a matter of days anyway.

Your support is greatly appreciated.