It's true. It has OFFICIALLY arrived in stores and now has made it's entrance into our home....

THE LITTLE MERMAID!! YIPEE!!! John suprised Livie and myself with it last night and now we are the proud owners of the all-new digitally restored platinum 2-disk special edition Little Mermaid CD, complete with a special wrist-band lip gloss!! I know you are all jealous. If you ask nicely I MAY let you come over and watch it. (only if you sing along to the songs with me.)
What an awesome suprise that was, TOTALLY unexpected. We love you Johnny.

Earlier last evening I went with Amber (my newly-engaged sister-in-law) to look at wedding dresses. It was SO much fun seeing her light up when just the right one was slipped over her head and she looked in the mirror knowing it was the the right one. She asked me later if watching her made me want to try on wedding dresses and without thinking my immediate response was: "no."
I'm finding it hard to explain why-the only way I can describe it is that Yes, it was an absolute blast doing all that back when I was engaged and preparing for the wedding and everything. But I wouldn't wish ever to go back to all that anxiety and craziness surrounding the planning of your own wedding. It was fun, but I'm glad it's over with. It's awesome to do it once. Just once. But then what comes after is even better! I LOVE the marital unit that John and I have become. The wedding lasts all but one day, but the marriage lasts a life time and it is this never-ending journey of discovering who eachother is, and discovering new ways to fall in love all over again! I feel I am constantly striving to be the best possible mate to John that I can be. But thats the way it SHOULD be. Because I know he is doing the same for me.

I think one of the greatest things about not being newlyweds anymore is that our communication with eachother is SO much stronger. We let eachother know exactly what we need from one another-and we understand the importance of keeping the line of communication open. OK, by NO means are we first-class communicators, we will probably be trying to get eachother to 'open up' til we are 83, but it is good to know that we love and trust eachother enough to be honest about it.

Ok, so all that said, no more weddings for this girl, but I do expect PLENTY more hubby-lovin' in the years to come haha!!

My mom. She is the best. I'll get back to that later....

Little did know when I set up my new Blog site that just three days later would I have a melt-down concerning the very thing I wrote about as my little 'top of the page summary'...I am who God made me to be and that is excellent!
'What a load of crap' is what I really felt like believing instead.
Maybe it's how I grew up, maybe it's what society wants us to believe; not sure who to blame it on, but I've been struggling quite a bit with the skewed vision of what a 'perfect' stay at home mommy and wife should look like-and how I'm not even close to what the pretty pictures in my head show me I SHOULD be like.

Now this isn't a feel-sorry-for-me blog, this is just me getting it all out, so no comments saying 'oh but abbie you are a GREAT mother blah blah blah!' 'You are wonderful blah blah blah!' In fact no one leave a single comment. I will find you. You will be punished. ;)

There are a few major things (major to me) that I struggle with that go against EVERYTHING that a 'picture-perfect' stay-at-home mom and wife should be:

1. I HATE cooking. I'm not good at it and I have NO desire whatsoever to learn. Believe it or not, I have even managed to mess up Mac-n-cheese. That makes me want to punch myself. A 'perfect' woman should be able to cook whatever her family pleases at the drop of a hat, right? Whatever.
2. Our bed sheets do not smell like lavendar and 'pretty' things. I have SUPER sensitive skin, therefore, no smelly dryer sheets or laundry soap. I have to use the dye-free/scent-free junk. (fyi-the sensitive skin thing is one of many wonderful things I have passed on to my daughter-ARRRGGG!!)
3. I am NOT good under pressure. It's called Generalized anxiety disorder and it's ALL MINE!! Shouldn't good little wives and mothers be able to handle ANYTHING that comes their way? For example: juice spills on my new carpet-no problem! Just grab your perfectly categorized bucket of cleaning supplies and dab it up!; the incessant poking of my leg accompanied by 'ugh! ugh! read? read?' while I am in the middle of a project-a good mother ALWAYS has time for her child and would already have the freaking project finished!; the cat puking on a pile of my clean clothes as I'm screaming 'noooo!!'-a 'perfect' woman would have sensed that the cat was going to puke and gently set the cat over a paper towel!.....UGH. You get the idea.

One of the bigger issues I have been struggling with lately has been the fact that at the end of the day I feel like I have no energy to be ME. I miss me so much. I miss funny, crazy, goofy me that I knew so well. I do know that it's most definitely still a part of me somewhere-my mommy says she still sees it-but in all the hype of being mommy and wife all day, it seems I don't have the energy or have forgotten how to be me. Abbie. I can't tell you how many times I heard women say this very thing before I had Olivia-"I feel like I lost myself somewhere along the way". Blah. Whatever. 'I would NEVER let that happen' I once so confidently thought. And now here I am.

After having a rather long and tearful conversation with my mom the other day, I came away with the idea that God gives people different strengths. And maybe I'm not a world-class chef, but I am DARN good at giving welcome home hugs and kissing boo-boos. I do try to be emotionally there for my family (when I'm not having a super melt-down!haha) and I do try to make sure that John and Olivia know that they are unconditionally loved by me. There is never anything either of them could do to make me not love them. That must be my strength!

I don't think I could have asked for a better hubby in the world. He doesn't demand a single thing from me and is greatful for every little thing that I do. And one of his favorite things to eat is wiener wraps and beans! HOORAY!! Something easy! I can do that!
He is my absolute best friend in the world. He loves me-nutcase and all! I'm so blessed to have someone like him who really gets me. The whole me.

Ok, enough whining. I'm going to continue working on my distorted view of life and work towards true acceptance of myself and being exactly what I was created to be.